Hardcore Software

How hard it can get?

Who will be boss??? February 26, 2009

Filed under: Humour,Life — Hemant @ 3:27 pm

I cant help but share a recent joke that I read somewhere:

When God made man, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss. The brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body, he should be boss. The legs argued that since they took the man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss.

The stomach countered with explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be boss. The eyes said that without them, man would be helpless, so they should be boss. Then the asshole applied for the job. The other parts of the body laughed so hard that the asshole become mad and closed up. After a few days the brain went foggy, the legs got wobby, the stomach got ill, thr eyes got crossed and unable to see. They all cenceded and made the asshole boss. This proves that you dont’ have to be a brain to be boss…. just an asshole will do!!!

 

Think before you speak June 14, 2007

Filed under: Humour,Life,Quotes,Software — Hemant @ 6:59 pm

Taken from another blog:

The classic example is the Sony Walkman which was universally panned because it did not record, but only played tapes. The rest is history. But here are a couple of quotes that are hard to believe these days:

In reference to the Apple Macintosh, Windows, and GUI

  • “The Mac simply doesn’t have the look or feel of a business computer.” (InfoWorld, March 26, 1984)
  • “A few traditional computer users see the mouse, the windows, and the desktop metaphor as silly, useless frills.” (Byte, May 1984)
  • “‘Icons represent an attempt to restrict what people do with computers, in the guise of user-friendliness.’ According to Currie, icon-based systems are appropriate for novice computer users, but will hinder the work of knowledgeable users.” (Computerworld, August 20, 1984, interview with Edward H. Currie, president of Lifeboat Associates, a New York-based software publishing firm)
  • “Because works the way you do, you don’t waste time with a mouse or learning a Macintosh-like graphics environment. works the way PC software is supposed to work.” (Ashton-Tate brochure for Byline Desktop Publishing, 1988)

In reference to the mouse peripheral device

  • [headline] “Mice are nice ideas, but of dubious value for business users” (George Vinall, PC Week, April 24, 1984)
  • “I was having lots of fun, but in the back of my corporate mind, I couldn’t help but think about productivity.” (George Vinall, PC Week, April 24, 1984)
  • “Does the mouse make the computer more accessible, more friendly, to certain target audiences such as executives? The answer is no.” (Computerworld, October 31, 1983)
  • “There is no possibility that this device will feel more comfortable to the executive than the keyboard. Because of its “rollability,” the mouse has the aura of a gimmick….” (Computerworld, October 31, 1983)
  • “The mouse and its friends are merely diversions in this process. What sounds revolutionary does not necessarily help anyone with anything, and therein lies the true test of commercial longevity.” (David A. Kay, Datamation, October 1983)
 

My Nerd Score March 12, 2007

Filed under: Humour,Life,Software — Hemant @ 5:18 pm

I am nerdier than 89% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

 

How to be highly paid manager even though you are a stupid moron?

Filed under: Humour,Life,Software — Hemant @ 10:55 am
  1. Start a subscription of good technology magazine. Whenever a new issue arrives, read the headlines (only) of all articles and recite few new names in it. You will need to utter one of those in big management meetings so that you sound most updated person.
  2. Once in a while, open one of those fat books which you managed to steal from your library when you were pursuing your dumb management degree, and go through some of those chapters. Hey! You will find at least dozen management ideas which sound super cool but actually does nothing in practice. You can suggest those ideas to someone and pretend to be super-intelligent. Don’t worry, if ever, someone will try to work on those ideas, soon he will become more confused than ever and will never come to you again.
  3. Don’t be too involved with your sub-ordinates. More you speak, more they will know the truth you are a stupid moron. So say few words straight from Oxford dictionary, sitback and relax.
  4. Always use the ^professional^ language in your documents and emails. Don’t use witty sentences and humour ‘coz that will create an impression that you are not professional. Any yes, don’t forget to discourage your sub-ordinate who uses simple english to say things straight and little humour to enjoy his job/work. You can say something like “You need to work a lot on your communication skills”. It will make him feel you are perfect manager and he should improve a lot to be *such a nice manager*.
  5. Whenever you are in a meeting, act like you an angel straight from heaven. Speak in a very low polite voice and sound a real gentleman. I know you are not actully like that but you need to pretend that you are a gentleman.
  6. Don’t leave a single chance to mark your name on a good work done by your sub-ordinate. Do mention his name for good work also when he is present and a very few people are listening to you, otherwise maintain *your* larger than life image.
  7. Instil a culture of ideals that don’t actually mean anything practical, this involves coming up with a mantra that sub-ordinates are supposed to adopt like “we must all realise the max” or “strive to achieve” etc. Essentially this means asking people to do more work without getting more money and still feeling good about it.
 

Girl Falls off Motorcycle January 20, 2007

Filed under: Humour — Hemant @ 10:36 am
Some idiot showing off on a bike with his girlfriend on the back. She flys off at about 50 mph.
Watch Girl Falls off motorcycle on Google. Very funny…

And this one too: Sexy girl with funny Jim Carrey